Today is going to be a good day

Today is going to be a good day because I decided not to drink over or about anything. The day may only be half over, but hopefully I already made the decision to avoid alcohol.

I have no problem with people who do drink. It’s just something that I can no longer do responsibly. I -might- be able to go to a bar and have one drink…. but I know what the eventual outcome would be… me downing a fifth of vodka and a 30 pack of beer within a given day. One drink is too many, and all of the alcohol available is never enough.

Today is going to be a good day, despite schizoaffective disorder wanting to make it otherwise. Some days are better then others. As long as I refrain from drinking, any day can be a good day… even if I feel like crap. Because drinking alcohol, for me anyway, will just make any situation I am dealing with worse.

My life is now centered on rebuilding and reinventing myself. Being self-aware of my mental illness and my alcoholism makes this process easier. I’m aware that I am the problem in most situations and problems that I may face. It isn’t other people that are the problem, or cause my problems, it is me.

Fortunately, with this attitude I can hope for a brighter future. But, remembering the past is also key. I need to remember where I came from…. being homeless and living on the street with the full effects of schizoaffective disorder roaring through my head. I need to keep moving forward, because moving backward to that previous period of loss and despair, is not an option. I am lucky to have such a rough bottom, because those memories are ingrained in my head… and a place I choose not to revisit. I choose not to be homeless, I choose not to be ‘crazy’, and a I choose not to drink today. And to the best of my ability, I will make sure I keep moving in a forward trajectory to a better tomorrow.

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