I had to change one thing…

When I first got sober I was told that I had to change one thing: everything. Change my attitude, my outlook, change everything about me.

Problem is, change is not easy. But it can be accomplished with help. When I first got sober, I was in a foggy haze. I was unsure how everything got to this point, and unsure what my next steps were. I spent a lot of time sitting outside trying to figure everything out. I was very confused and unsure of myself. What didn’t help is that after I stopped drinking, schizoaffective disorder also began to sound off in my head. So, despite doing what I was told to do (not drink), I went crazy.

No one is at fault for that. Not even me. It happened and I had to go through all the motions. Going delusional, going homeless, seeing and hearing things. I lost touch with reality. To my benefit, I still did what I was originally told…. I did not drink alcohol. The lack of money most certainly helped in this area.

Today, everything has changed. My attitude, my outlook, and me. Not everything is where I would like it to be, but like pieces of a puzzle, things will fall into place over time… if I work for the changes. I am trying to be more open-minded, more social, and more available to others. I am in the process of losing some weight, despite the medication that I am on causing weight gain. Today, I step up to challenges, rather then shy away from them.

This post is an example of change. Just a few years ago you would have never caught me openly talking about having a mental illness and alcoholism, let alone doing it in a public format. I am more open then I have ever been in my life. Ready and willing to communicate… a stark contrast with my previous self which avoided talking about my personal life at all costs.

Change is good. Change is everything. And as an alcoholic and someone with a mental illness, I had to change it all if I were to be able to survive and live a fruitful life.


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