One day at a time. I have to live by that motto. For if I don’t, I might get discouraged, I might use (alcohol), I might fall into defeatism.
I have been thinking about the enormity of work that I have to do this semester… and whether or not I will be able to pull all this off. It’s not that I am lazy, it’s not that I am not motivated… it is a question of whether or not I am mentally capable of completing a second Ph.D. degree. So far, my progress has been more then satisfactory… I have passed all the classes required.
This semester, due in December, I have a qualifying exam… focused mainly on a 12 page document proposing a research project in an area which I do not have a specialty, and not on a project that I am currently working on. I do not know if I will be able to manage this ‘rite of passage’ on a entirely new area I need to learn. Time will tell how this all goes and how I make out. The analogy of teaching an old dog new tricks comes to mind right now.
For right now, I am working part-time at worst and full-time at best. It is a struggle dealing with not one, but two mental illnesses. While I am usually a step ahead of the schizoaffective disorder game, the dual whammy of trying to remain sane battling both the effects of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder can be quite tiring. As to be expected, some days are better then others.
Today was a good day. And because of that, I am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Hopefully I will continue to make sense out of the chaos and bring order to my seemingly never ending workload.