When I was drinking… really drinking, my next thought was always: when is my next drink. Nothing else mattered. I always had some excuse to go to the bar during the day, at night… anytime.
It was all I could think about. When can I have my next drink(s)? I was mentally obsessed with alcohol. For a while, drinking worked… it took my anxiety away, it took probable symptoms of bipolar disorder away. In a way, drinking made me feel normal. I drank when things went wrong. I drank when things went well. I drank anytime I could.
Then drinking turned on me. Drinking became not only an obsession, but a daily necessity. I could not stop even though I desperately wanted to. It was then things got out of hand.
Fortunately, I know a better way today. I live life on life’s terms, without resorting to abusing alcohol to make myself feel better. Today, I deal with the effects of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia without resorting to anything beyond medication that a doctor prescribes for me.
The medication isn’t perfect, but it does its job. I sometimes miss the euphoric highs of mania and having endless energy. What I do not miss are the depressive lows. Today, for the most part, I am balanced. Thankful for today. Hopefully, prepared for what tomorrow might bring.