I submitted my qualifier/research proposal Thursday evening. I have an oral defense of it in front of three faculty the week on January 15th.
I hope this process goes well, because I almost worked myself up to a panic attack submitting it. And then panicked afterward.
Regardless of how this process goes, I fully intend to utilize the topics I introduced in this proposal as part of a faculty job search either at a four year college or a research faculty position at a university. I will have to wait and see where I end up on that decision.
Complicating all of this is my schizoaffective disorder. I am by means nowhere near normal. Between my anxiety, my work hours, and subtleties of my personality, I am not sure what I can handle regarding full-time work. All I do know is that I can not be a student forever. And after my current schooling is over, I will probably want to push myself again regarding a faculty spot.
Schizoaffective disorder is not something I can hide from and it will be with me for the rest of my life. Hopefully, I will continue to be moderately productive despite having it.