One thing at a time. Doing stuff in small pieces and chunks. One day at a time.
Mentally, I am not what I used to be. In some cases I might be better off, in other cases, maybe not so.
I know I am mentally sick today. I did not know that fact before I was diagnosed – and resigned myself to the diagnosis. I was mentally sick (unknown to me) all the way through high school/college and my first run through graduate school.
So, knowing what I know now, things should be easier for me to handle. And, in some ways, they are. I know how to handle my mental illness so that it doesn’t overwhelm me anymore by drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. Or any alcohol for that matter.
Still, there are effects that I can not control and that can get tiresome. I can be rather sluggish, tire easily and even lethargic because of the symptoms of schizoaffective disorder. I can be (and am) socially withdrawn and my emotions tend to be flat. Then there’s the bipolar disorder I have as well. Keeping everything ‘normalized’ is a tiring mental effort.
Knowing that I can’t drink, in many ways I have won this internal mental battle. Drinking would be a step backwards, and I want to move forwards… to the best of my ability everyday.