I was reading something recently that having a mental illness can make you tired.
Not just from side effects of the medications you may be on, but the juggling and struggle with the actual disorders that can occur everyday.
I am tired everyday. Mentally tired. I may have 4-6 hours of actual mental usefulness at work before I begin to shutdown.
I can get very mentally drained and lose the ability to pay attention and remember things. I can get irritable and agitated. I can also get anxious. Over what I can not control (which is other people, places and things) seems to take control over me, disrupting my internal peace and harmony. I no longer have an internal balance.
The combined forces of having three different mental disorders (schizophrenia, bipolar, and anxiety) take their toll on me everyday… even days when I am off from work. I may be able to take a break from work, but I can not take a break from what is going on daily in my head. It can be really tiring for me to present a constant level of normalcy.
I meditate to try to cope with all of this, and I try to find quiet time. Fortunately, I have my own place to stay. This has been an integral part of my mental health recovery, because I can find quiet time when I need to, and usually when I need it the most.
I seemingly need more and more quiet time to get through the day, which in of itself is socially isolating. I wish I could find a balance in which my brain doesn’t hurt. Or not sleeping 12 hours a day because of these disorders and medications.
School/Work begins again tomorrow. I shall try and make the most of it and accomplish what I can.