Recently, I have been battling a deteriorating mental state.
I am getting more and more tired and I feel my life is becoming more of a continually repeating routine.
So, effective this Saturday, and on Saturdays only for the moment, I will be going to the gym to walk the treadmill for at least a couple of miles. It is the only time during the course of the week when I have actual time, and energy to spare, to be able to do this.
The most dangerous thing someone in recovery can feel is a feeling of stagnation. And right now, at least for the past few months, I have felt that I have been stagnating. Everything concerning me, my job, and issues surrounding my life. Stagnation can lead to boredom, which can lead to an addicts relapse. And this addict is determined not to relapse.
I have been adamant concerning my recovery about breaking the cycle. And despite going back to school and getting my career back on track… I’ve fallen into a repetitive cycle that I have not been able to break. I feel going to the gym is my first best option to get out of my head and hopefully clear my thoughts. I am sure it will also boost my energy and overall sense of well-being.
So, that’s it. I have had enough. Schizoaffective disorder will not win this battle. The trap of falling back into active addiction will not win this battle. Not as long as I have the energy and mental conditioning to fight them.