It is amazing what I have been able to accomplish even though I have schizoaffective disorder, alcoholism, and anxiety disorders.
My formula is simple… just keep moving forward everyday, do not drink, and take my medication. As long as I continue that mix of what I feel are positive things, I should be alright. I have also added walking to my wellness regimen now, so that should hopefully help my mental and physical state.
I am still working on my research proposal. It has been very difficult to get through this process. I am first and foremost, an organic chemist. However, due to life’s unexpected circumstances, I am currently back in school learning pharmacology/biology. It has not been the best and easiest mix for me. I am learning, just probably not as fast as I should be, nor do I have a good time retaining material these days.
Hopefully, when my rewrite is submitted on February 23rd, I will finally pass this thing. Only time will tell. It feels, though, up until this point, that I have been ‘faking it until I make it’. And now with this 15+ page research proposal due, it is crunch time. Time to put up or shut-up.
There is a possibility that despite my efforts, I might fail this qualifier towards my second Ph.D. degree. If that does happen, I need to remind myself that I have been through worse. I have been homeless, jobless, and entirely desperate living on the street. I have come a long way in the past eight years. I choose not to lose any of what I have gained since I have gotten better.
No matter what happens, this time will be different. I will be sober, on medication, and have my mental faculties functioning. I do hope I pass, but this process has not been easy. I am not a biologist in the strictest sense of the word… and by no means would I characterize myself as being strong in pharmacology. I am an organic chemist traveling in, and through, a world having nothing to do with chemistry in the strictest sense. Only time will tell whether or not I will be able to pass this current hurdle in front of me.