I just came back from one of my 30 minute walks. I started them a couple of weeks ago to hopefully uplift my mood and fight back against some of the negative effects and symptoms of schizoaffective disorder.
Having this disorder is a major pain in the ass… or ‘PITA’ as the kids today would say. With this disorder you constantly feel drained, down, and tired. It is not just a disorder of seeing and hearing things… or even the bipolar aspect of it. You constantly feel drained and mentally down. Because of this, I am walking mainly to improve my mood, which has not been great lately. I am just getting very tired constantly struggling with this mental disorder.
Everything, everything I do concerning this disorder seems to be a chore and requires work and effort. Long gone are the times when I could do multiple things effortlessly, or have boundless pockets of energy. While some days are better then others, I struggle everyday to keep a positive mental attitude. This is a lifetime progressive mental illness with no cure… there are treatments for it, mainly medication and talk therapy, which I am involved in – along with medication that I take.
Another tool that I have to battle this disease is to not drink alcohol. It is my first, best option to fight against schizoaffective disorder’s effects. Day in, day out, it is a miracle that I am not drinking. For, if I were to start drinking, it would be to admit defeat against this disorder.
Even though this disorder is very draining on me emotionally and physically, I still have a lot of work that I have to do to ensure my continued wellness. I need to work on gaining more friendships and strengthening my relationships with people. I need to continue to be strong against a mental disease that wants me living in the street, homeless, or worse.